It was 11:40 AM on the clock as the train shrugged off to a start. My cousins and Anoop hopped off the train with quick goodbyes as they were taken by surprise by the train’s movement. So the train started bobbing just like any other train, and the walls bled silence in the last of the 3rd tier A/C seats where my mom and I had made ourselves comfortable. I am the kind who likes to talk a lot and none of my co-passengers seemed like the kind I could (or wanted to) break the ice with. A couple of oldies, as usual. I don’t know why, but I never find myself seated beside someone near my age, ever! After sitting still for a while not knowing what to do next, I finally decided to go over to the upper berth and to begin with the book my cousin had given me. ‘No God in Sight’ by Altaf Tyrewala. The book was interesting and fast paced and dove deep into human angst. I’m usually enthralled by such material. Be it in books or movies. After lunch, I got back to my book and after around 40 minutes of reading, I noticed that I’d already been through half the book. And to my disappointment I realised the book was only 171 pages long. Darn. So much for entertainment. I decided to get some shut eye so that I could save the book for later and I dozed off. At around 5 o clock, I woke up, and within another hour and a half, I was already done with my book even though I did try to read slowly. I tried to sleep again, failed at the attempt, and got down for a while. The boredom was killing me. It seemed like a game of London statue with everyone sitting still, engrossed in deep thought. When I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I had dinner with mom and I wished her good night. I was off to sleep at 8.10 PM. Way too early considering my normal time of 1 AM! Now since our tickets had got confirmed out of the waiting list, we didn’t get adjacent seats. So I made my way to seat number 48, a couple of seats away from where I was all day. And to my horror I found a huge north Indian family with not one, not two but FOUR noisy, hyperactive, irritating and obnoxious BRATS!! No I don’t mean kids. I mean BRATS!! Most children I come across are brats. What ever happened to the good ol days when kids like myself used to keep quiet and put up their best behaviour in public? And at home as well? I remember spending most of my childhood on computers and video games. Call me boring if you want but I was obedient, nevertheless. This venn diagram will tell you all you need about today’s kids:

So here I was trying hard to get some sleep but noooooooo… these little monsters just can’t shut up! One was a little baby, and I don’t know how the heck he could pull out a scream that loud! Talk about unwanted decibels. And his mom was even worse. With lullabies that loud (and that horrid), its no big surprise that the kid couldn’t stop crying his brains off. I would have preferred running my nails over a blackboard any day I tell you. And the older brats? Have they learnt to behave in public? I guess not. As I was trying to shield my ears from the screeches around me with a blanket, on the side upper seat, the other brats were actually using me, to climb to the upper berths. I’ve seen myself way too many times on a mirror to know that I DO NOT look like a ladder. As if one screaming hag and its kid wasn’t enough, an old guy in the lot thought it’d be entertaining to keep the lot busy by making the kids sing! Pandora’s Box had just opened itself. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to do something about this, or risk going insane. Patience (especially with kids) isn’t exactly one of my best virtues. So I took the diplomatic route to problem solving and in the most polite way possible, I asked the elders to get a hold over their kids and to stop climbing over me. I even told/lied that I wasn’t in the best of health. And to my surprise, the family started laughing! And the reply I got after that was as welcome as Osama Bin Laden was in Bush’ Texas ranch, “Bachon hein na? Kelne do.”

WTF?

This isn’t happening.

What kind of people actually allows their kids to bug others, and find it amusing as well? I’m sure they weren’t humans. They couldn’t have been. These are the kind of moments I just wish I had both the following:
a) A gun, preferably a mini-gun (a la the terminator mode) and…
b) A license to kill.

When I figured out that my wish wasn’t going to be answered, I just lay down, and rolled myself and the blanket into a cocoon and subject myself to the heartless torture that these people were inflicting on me. I felt my life force being drained inch by inch. Minutes flew by like hours. And the cybrids’ favourite words echoed through the depths of my mind…Hurt//Maim//Kill…

Brats shouldn’t be allowed in trains. There should be some test prior to boarding to figure out if a child is a brat or not. If yes, not only should he/she be charged double the normal fare, he/she should be seated in the goods carriage. No, brats don’t deserve to sit beside ‘people’. Maybe their parents ought to follow Maddox’s guide to loving their kids… (http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html)

At around 2 AM in the morning, my tormentors left the train. I was too stricken to even celebrate. I forgot what joy was like. And it was then that I fell asleep for the 1st time since 6 hours.

I dreamt of me and a friend of mine going for archery classes (!?!).

The next morning, when I woke up, the Adam’s family was replaced with an American couple. After I freshened up and noticed that there was no room for (even) me to sit in my mom’s compartment, I took up a place opposite to the American couple. They introduced themselves as Rolfe and Genal (I hope I spelt your name right!). They were a nice couple from Colorado who were on a tour of the country. We talked about politics, did a bit of George Bush bashing, and talked about education, movies and a lot of other things. It was quite a relief considering the ordeal I had to endure the previous night. At 11:00 AM, my journey was over and I got down with my mom at Shoranur station, found my uncle soon enough, and we drove home…sweet home.

The reason I choose to turn this into my first blog entry, is because of the sheer amount of hypocrites I know personally, and otherwise. I fail to understand why people actually maintain double standards. I don’t think a public services officer who is to abide by the laws that he has sworn to protect, just isn’t supposed to be doing the straight opposite of the little sign in his office that says “Do not give or take bribes.” There’s hypocrisy for you, people. Now the corruption at the political stage isn’t the only true example of this my friends. Let’s move on to pretence over a more, wider scale.

Example number 1:
I belong to a country where a majority of the population are Hindus. I myself was born a Hindu. I say ‘born’ Hindu, because it didn’t take me too long to turn atheist. Steering the discussion back to the topic, I always couldn’t help but ponder over the fact that, in spite of having thousands and thousands of temples built in honour of goddesses in all forms, in spite of worshipping these very female deities for wealth, knowledge and what not, the plight of women in our country well…sucks? Why is it that in many parts of this beautiful land of the Aryans, regardless of the fact that females are being worshipped, atrocities like female foeticide and the torture of the girl child still takes place? Why is it that they are denied their basic right to education and schooling? Why is it that they are expected to remain confined to their homes and to simply service the men? Why is it that they don’t have a say in important (or rather all) matters regarding the household? To me, this is the saddest example of hypocrisy I can point out. Although anyone who’d be reading this might not have seen all this for themselves, it is true for a good part of our nation, for many of our fellow brethren who’re still living in the dark ages.

Example number 2:
Now didn’t Aishwarya and Hrithik get the shock of their lives when they were subpoenaed by some glory seeking loser just because they kissed on screen? Before I saw Dhoom 2, I was pretty much curious to see that shot myself. Heck, if a scene can generate that kind of hullabaloo… it’s got to be something else! And there I was, holding on to my popcorn, my mouth wide open telling myself “WTF?That’s it?!?” All this fuss over something like that? That’s obscene, indecent and dangerous to the youth? You can’t be serious! Is this some kind of a joke? Another famous example of ‘shitty cases’ was when Richard Gere was summoned to an Indian court for going all over Shilpa Shetty at some event. I wonder how our honorary courts have the time to entertain cases like these when there are murders, rapes and what not happening every minute or two on in this land. Shouldn’t they be going medieval on people who actually come up with cases like this? The only way I see it is that our courts need a break from all these serious cases. Everyone needs to relax and chill out? Don’t you think? Maybe the guy who decides the next hearing says something like “Hey guys, enough of murders… lets have some fun! How about a stupid-shitty case like this where we get to be on TV? Should we pick the Richard Gere one, or the Aish one?” And meanwhile look at all the bedlam Mallika Sherawat and some other hotties in the industry brought about for showing off a bit too much skin and pulling off some bold roles.

Now can anyone please tell me why the f*** is it that this country, where sex is a four letter word, somehow, has the 2nd largest population in the world? Ironic isn’t it?

My country is full of hypocrites. The place is littered with them. Check out my college for instance. There’s this person who literally cried and begged a teacher to get her marks increased, and when it seemed that her efforts were in vain actually coaxed the teacher into cutting down a more deserving guy’s marks instead(the most deserving one in the batch, actually). The same person complains a few months later about teachers giving away marks on the basis of impression. How very interesting. And its funny when I’m being called a CC by some of the most letcherous and perverted oafs in existence.

Man, this sucks.

But wait, the fact that I am writing this should imply that I am not a hypocrite isn’t it?

Isn’t it……?